5 tips to get the most out of your therapy sessions
Whether you’re looking to start therapy or have been in therapy for awhile, you want to get the most out of every session. Who doesn’t want relief sooner than later? Here are 5 tips to get the most out of your therapy sessions.
1. Find the right therapist for you.
Feeling safe enough to be open and authentic is, in my opinion, one of the most important factors when selecting a therapist and a critical step to making sure you get the most out of your therapy sessions. We will talk later about why a felt sense of safety is so important. But first, I invite you to reflect on the qualities of a therapist that are likely to make you feel at ease:
Does the identity and lived experience of the therapist (e.g., race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, gender, etc.) matter to you? You may prefer a clinician who identifies similarly or specifically seek out someone with a different perspective.
How important is it to you to find a therapist who has expertise in a specific area? For instance, are you seeking someone trained in a specific modality or someone specializing in a unique stressor, such as chronic illness or perinatal mental health?
Are you seeking a therapist well-versed in the culture and demands of a specific industry? If you are a first responder, work in tech, or are a creative in the entertainment industry, for instance, you may desire a therapist who is already familiar with common work-related stressors in your field.
Knowing the qualities of the therapist that make you feel most connected and secure will help you focus your search. Once you find a therapist’s website or profile that resonates with you, I highly recommend reaching out for a free consultation. You will get a good sense of the therapist from the initial communication as well as the phone call. If it’s not a good match, this is the time to find out!
On the initial phone call, consider whether the person appears genuinely interested in your needs and confident in their ability to help you, or whether it feels more like an impersonal sales pitch for their services. It may be one and done for you, or it may require several consultations to find the person you want to go with. Trust your gut. And know you can always change your mind.
2. Be as open and honest as you can.
Simply having a safe place to let your guard down and focus solely on you — without worrying about anyone else — can bring a huge relief. You’ll get the most out of your therapy, though, if you can open up about the very things that you tend to hide, minimize, avoid, or fear. Vulnerability requires a good deal of courage but can make all the difference in your therapeutic experience and progress. You can test this out by confiding a little more as you get to know your therapist and noticing whether it’s ok to be real. It is normal to fear judgment, but important to know that unconditional positive regard is a core foundation of good therapy and ideally, something all therapists seek to provide.
If you feel you have to censor yourself, give certain answers to please your therapist, or withhold certain topics for your therapist’s comfort, you’re likely to feel less engaged and more guarded in your sessions. Progress may be slower and potentially blocked. The therapist, too, may then be missing information that could be vital to your treatment.
To be sure, feeling “safe” to talk about hard things is not something that comes naturally to many, especially if you’ve been around a lot of judge-y people or have a history of trauma. It is normal and healthy to take time to develop the relationship with your therapist. I encourage you, though, to be mindful of a few general questions, some of which you will be able to answer quite early on: Does it feel like you can tell your therapist things without feeling judged? Is it ok to be wholly human with this person – fears, flaws, mistakes, weird thoughts, and all? Are they consistent, timely, and focused, thereby holding a frame for your work together that feels predictable and trustworthy? If the answers are yes, I encourage you to be as bold, honest, and authentic as you can.
Allowing yourself to be seen and known, in the presence of a safe other, will facilitate healing in therapy.
3. Practice new skills and reflect on fresh insights in between sessions.
Revelations that occur during therapy can go unconscious again quickly, so try to keep them top of mind. Jot down and bring in any reflections, dreams, and other realizations you have during the week so you can talk about them at your next session.
Similarly, skills you learn in therapy are easily forgotten if not used. To make the most out of your therapy, practice the skills when you don’t need them so you can access them easily when you do. Don’t be afraid to ask for refreshers if you need them. Practice is the key!
If you want “homework” but aren’t getting any, ask your therapist for some in-between session assignments. After all, you’re in therapy only an hour a week, and all that time in between sessions can be rich with growth. Let your therapist know your preferences – I often provide videos, book recommendations, journaling, behavior experiments, exercises, and skills to practice, for instance. People are busy and don’t always have the time, but I find that this effort in between sessions can provide an outsized benefit and faster progress.
4. Show up weekly and on time. Consider a therapy intensive for trauma.
To get the most out of your therapy sessions, I recommend weekly appointments and showing up on time. You want to signal to your therapist that you take your therapy seriously. For the best outcomes, you want a therapist who is as committed to your therapy as you are. I usually reach out via email within 3 minutes of an online session starting if my client has not logged on. If your therapist is frequently late or otherwise more casual in their approach than you would like, I encourage you to voice your concerns.
To further jump-start the healing process, consider therapy intensives. Longer blocks of therapy to target specific traumas, negative beliefs, or stubborn behavioral patterns are extremely powerful, especially when using a modality like EMDR, ART, or IFS.
5. Have an idea of what you want to work on in the session.
Your therapist will likely talk with you about your goals for therapy within the first few sessions.
In subsequent sessions, you may want to update your therapist on important events or insights that occurred since the last session. See if you can keep these updates fairly concise so that they do not expand into the whole session, unless this is how you prefer to use the time.
If you have multiple stressors, you may want to ask yourself before your session, “What would be most helpful to me today?” It may not be any of those recent events that are most problematic but rather a childhood memory that you now keep thinking about and that makes those events harder to cope with. It may be a thought like “I’m powerless” or a familiar gut-punched sensation that has been triggered that would be most helpful to explore. Or it may be the way you find yourself responding to the stressor that you wish to focus on. Consider whether it is more helpful at this time to focus on coping skills or to target the root of the problem.
It’s ok to let your therapist know what feels most pressing and needs attention. This is a good way to ensure that your therapy sessions are spent in a way that is most beneficial to you rather than just “catching up” or talking about COWs (crises of the week). While these other aspects of therapy are also important, spending too much time on them weekly can delay the deep dives that tend to produce the most relief and create long-term change.
Therapy can be an incredibly rewarding, even life-changing experience. Within a few months, you should be able to see progress from your therapy. If you are looking for a therapist and think we might be a fit, let’s connect!
Licensed Therapist
Linda Shing
Linda Shing is a Los Angeles-based therapist. She helps high-achieving artists and professionals overcome perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and low self-esteem.